Hey everybody. If you’re new here, my name is Krystal. In this video we are going to talk about: What does self-love feel like?
Video Transcription for What does self-love feel like:
If you’ve never experienced self-love, it feels like a mystery.
You have no idea how to even begin to imagine what that is, what it feels like, how that affects your life, your behavior, and your relationships. It’s a complete mystery.
It’s an interesting question because it’s a little bit like saying: What does anger feel like or what does happiness feel like?
Imagine having to explain that to someone who has no concept of what anger or happiness feels like.
If I were to describe the feeling – internally what it’s (self-love) like:
It’s being kind to yourself. Not necessarily liking everything about yourself. Not necessarily wanting to just stay the same forever. That’s a misconception about self-love, but it’s accepting yourself for who you are knowing that you’re not perfect and it’s actually a good thing that you’re not perfect.
It feels like inner strength, stability, an ability to withstand failure.
To look like a fool, to do something stupid, to try something new and not be good at it, and to be ok with that.
So at the very base, self-love is a feeling of just accepting who you are, where you are, right now.
If we want to talk analogies, a really good one is if you’ve ever had something sentimental.
For example, for me, my Grandma – I have a few things from my Grandma and Mom that are really special to me – one of them being a Japanese bracelet that was hers, that her brother gave her when he was in the war. And I don’t wear it even though it’s beautiful because I don’t want to ruin it and I treasure it. It reminds me – my Grandma loved estate sales, collecting old antiques and objects, so it reminds me of her.
So there’s an association of something valuable with that sentimental object.
When you have self-love you start to think about yourself in a similar way.
You start to notice what’s valuable, what’s different about you.
It’s the association of value and knowing that you’re priceless in the same way a sentimental object feels like it’s completely irreplaceable.
There’s nothing else like it in the world.
It’s one of a kind.
That’s self-love in a nutshell.
What happens when you don’t value yourself? What do you do then?
If you don’t know what it’s like to have self-love these are the kinds of questions you think about. I remember being there myself too – when I didn’t know if I had value or what my value was.
I think one of the easiest places to begin with that is to look at what makes you smile, what makes you sad, and what makes you angry.
If it brings up an emotional response in you – it’s because you care about something.
There’s something there that maybe you don’t see inside yourself yet but there’s something there that perhaps you feel is lacking in the world around you and one of the things that have really helped me shift my perspective in this:
If I feel it’s lacking in the world around me maybe that’s because it’s my piece. Maybe that’s the part that I’m supposed to play in this world so that the picture is complete. It’s your own personal puzzle piece.
That’s where I would begin if you don’t know what you value or what’s valuable about you. You can build on that.
Another good analogy (for self-esteem) is like a tree in a storm.
The thing about self-love is, there’s this idea that once you have it your tank is full and you can just cruise and you never have to worry about filling up your tank again. That’s not quite true.
You have to keep filling up your tank.
Everybody has hard days and easy days, and everybody has good days and bad days, and the thing about self-love is it’s this constant evolution.
You get comfortable in one arena or experience and then you start moving into other areas where you don’t have the comfort. You’re in the unknown again. You’re starting over again.
The self-love is what gives you the inner strength and the resilience, the stability to weather the storm, to get through it.
If you’re too stiff, if you’re not flexible enough, the branch is going to break.
If you’re too flexible, the wind and the storm are going to push you over and pull your roots out of the earth.
It’s a balancing act of flexibility with strength. The strength comes from tapping into what you cultivate inside yourself.
Another aspect of self-love that I think is really interesting you start to become more of an explorer.
You start wanting to try new things.
It’s not about feeling like you’re not enough so you have to fix something about yourself – it’s different. It’s more like, you’re curious and you want to find out what’s going to happen if I do X, what’s going to happen if I do Y, what’s going to happen if I do Z.
And because you’ve built up at least some of that inner strength, you have enough courage to step out and do it and find out.
Chances are, if you’re new at something, you’re not going to nail it the first time. You’re going to miss a few shots. That’s ok. That’s part of the learning process. That’s HOW you get good at stuff – by missing. You get good by doing the failing part and because you have the self-love, the inner strength, you can get through the failing part.
One of the really interesting things about self-love – once you get enough of it where you have the strength, you can start taking some risks, doing some new things, having new experiences you learn more about yourself so you find out that you’re not exactly who you thought you were.
What’s really exciting about that – when you find out you aren’t who you thought you were, but you’re somebody else, now you’re not exactly the same person but your self-love has grown because you’ve learned something valuable about yourself that you didn’t know before.
Self-love in a lot of ways is a discovery – it’s the unknown parts of yourself that you’re willing to learn about.
It can feel very magical at times because – not everything works out well, everybody fails, that’s part of the learning growing process, but when you do something new and it goes really well it feels amazing!
I’ll give you an example.
I’ve been wanting to feel stronger in my body to feel more empowered because that’s something that’s always been kind of challenging for me – to feel safe in my body.
So this last weekend one of my friends took me out shooting.
She started me with an easy gun – I call it the baby gun, but it was a lot of fun and I surprised myself because I hit the target MOST of the time and I’m by no means, would ever have thought of myself being skilled in something like that.
(It goes without saying… please be safe and smart. Weapons can be dangerous and you should go with someone who is skilled and knowledgable so they can show you how to handle a weapon properly and safely.)
Especially because the loud sounds can be jarring.
It was exciting. It was amazing, and those are the kinds of experiences I’m talking about.
When you do something new you aren’t sure you’re going to be able to do, and you know you might fail, but you say, what the hey, let’s do it, let’s see what happens and then you can surprise yourself in a really wonderful way.
Then you’ve learned something new about yourself.
Now you have something more to continue the exploration.
To go deeper in learning about yourself. Cultivating the value. Cultivating the appreciation, but also the acceptance of, alright, so I missed a shot. No big deal. Life moves on. Just another storm. Tomorrow the weather could be great.
That’s it for now.
I’d love to hear your questions, comments below.
See you in the next one!
I’ll be doing a weekly video for tips and answering questions on increasing self-esteem, self-love, and cultivating inner resilience.
If you have a question about these topics, let me know!
In these videos, I am simply sharing what I have learned through my life and experience. The information contained in these videos is in no way meant to be taken as medical advice. I do not diagnose, prescribe, or treat. Please remember, everyone has their own journey and yours may be different. If you would like assistance finding YOUR path forward, you can book a free strategy call with me.